We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
