I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
