i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
