You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
