I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
