I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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