it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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