I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
