I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
