just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
