i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
