you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
