I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
