im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Did I show you my penis last night?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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