I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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