The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
