bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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