i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
