if you like me you must not know who I am
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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