this boner is exhausting
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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