I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
