i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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