Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
