She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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