Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
