i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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