she sounds like chewbacca in bed
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
