Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
