just tell him i said nine months
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
