I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
