I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
