I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
