Can i not drive my cunt home
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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