She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
