hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
