Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
