remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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