I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
