I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
