I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
