And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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