My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
