Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
