I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
