i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday