Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!