I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
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also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.