And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg