My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life