I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.