so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So much rum. So many feels.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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