Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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