She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
