I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
