hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm passing your future prison.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
