I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
