and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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