At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
