I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I didn't notice because vodka
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
