and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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