I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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