i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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