No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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