ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
