i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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