How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
