Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
