he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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